As a kid in the record store, I read the credits. Who wrote it. Who played it. Who engineered it. Credits tell you who actually did the work. Forty years in the room taught me something else: some people spend their whole career trying to get their name on work they didn’t do.
That’s the narcissist. Not every loud person, not every confident one. The one who needs the spotlight so badly that they’ll take yours.
What to watch for
Charm first, control later. They open with praise, big plans, and promises. Once they have your trust, the pressure starts.
Your credit becomes theirs. They retell the story until they’re the hero of it. You were in the room. You know what happened. They’ll still rewrite it.
Rules only run one way. They expect loyalty, time, and access, and give little back.
No accountability. When something goes wrong, it’s somebody else’s fault, every time.
You start doubting yourself. After enough time around them, you second-guess what you saw and said.
Mayo Clinic says people with narcissistic personality disorder carry an inflated sense of their own importance, feel entitled, and need constant admiration, and they’ll use others to get it. Underneath, their self-worth is shaky, and small criticism can set them off.
How to protect yourself
- Put it in writing. Splits, credits, payments, deadlines. Handshakes are for friends who’ve earned it.
- Keep your own records. Session files, dates, emails, receipts.
- Watch what they do over time. Promises are cheap. Patterns are the truth.
- Don’t argue with the story. Show the paper.
- Know when to walk. Some rooms aren’t worth staying in.
A word of caution: this is about protecting yourself from behavior, not handing out diagnoses. Per Mayo Clinic, the disorder can’t be self-diagnosed; it takes a professional.
Q&A
How do I know if someone is a narcissist or just confident?
Confident people share credit and own mistakes. Watch how someone treats you when things go wrong, or when you get the praise instead of them.
Can you work with a narcissist?
Sometimes, with clear written terms and firm limits. If they break the terms, you already have the paper.
What’s the first thing to do if I think I’m dealing with one?
Start documenting. Dates, agreements, conversations. Then decide whether the work is worth the cost.
Should I call them a narcissist to their face?
No. Labels start fights. Records end them.
Official source: Mayo Clinic: Narcissistic personality disorder, symptoms and causes
Rendered with Renaissance Instruments.
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